you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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