Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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