he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
