The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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