I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
