I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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