I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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