Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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