mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
