he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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