Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
