Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
