I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize