First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
