I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
