i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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