my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
