why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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