I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
