I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
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lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
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Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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