One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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