This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
