i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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