You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The feeling are messing with the penis
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
