Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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