thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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