Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
