your room smells of hookers.
And success
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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