Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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