I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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