Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
