I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
