just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
