break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
