who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
