just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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