I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
