I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
