My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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