She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
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New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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