What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
