Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
