Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Randomize
