There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
