then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
