Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
