I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
