Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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