he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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