I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
