This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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