bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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