Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
