There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
