I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
