never play flip cup with pint glasses
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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