I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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