Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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