First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize
