How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
