Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
we're making bets on your personal life
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
