You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
