That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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