All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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