Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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