1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
