Don't you send me to vm
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
