so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
