There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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