dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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