I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
