bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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