just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
