can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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