he thought i was a dude.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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