god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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